Have you ever felt like your body it not the one you know?

Have you ever felt like your body it not the one you know? Like the current form is not how you see yourself, like you don't recognize it.

 

This year for me had started on a pretty unpleasant note. Not to bore you with the details but I was unwell from late December until March with an unknown issue. I say unknown because we still haven't quite nailed down what was causing the issues but at the moment, I am feeling much better. As a result of this mystery illness, I was unable to digest most food properly. This created extreme stomach pain, bloating, nausea, and a slew of other symptoms that are in no way glamorous. It also meant that I was in a limbo of being in pain or being hungry. The only relief I found was in an empty stomach, but that also meant fatigue and dehydration. It was awful. As a result of this issue, I lost weight very quickly, without intention. Now I find that the body I am living in feels different from the one I know.

If you have ever felt disconnected from your body, or disconnected from how your body looks and feels currently then you will probably identify with what I am talking about. For me this is not the first time I have felt this way. Specifically, I know birthing each of my kids had a similar impact both when I was pregnant and afterwards. The act of creating a human changed my body.  This current illness has changed my body. I have worked hard to create a space within myself that loved my curvy, squishy self. One that knew every part of my body, one that wasn’t afraid or ashamed to look in the mirror or see a portrait. And now I feel like the saggier baggier version of that person.

 

That brings me to my actual reason for writing this blog. I didn’t realize in the midst of being unwell was that I would have to go back and live out some of the steps that bring me to acceptance. I am not at square one but I am not where I want to be either so I wanted to share some of the things I am and will be doing to bring my body and brain back to together.

-Affirmations- They are a huge tool that help change a mindset. And the way I feel about my body has everything to do with mindset (and actually almost nothing to do with my actual body). So for me I am practising “I am worthy, I am healthy, I am loved, I am enough” basic mindset around my relationship to self and therefore my body. I also involve touch in my affirmations, so I will rub lotion into my skin while saying my affirmations. This shows my body that I appreciate her when I am working on the brain stuff too.

-I bought new clothes- And you might be thinking “ok, so what” but hear me out. In the past when my body changed and got larger or accommodated a human, I bought new clothes. It is a simple act that supports the idea that there is nothing wrong with my body. It is a confirmation or a validation of its need to be seen and clothed. Now currently I have bought smaller clothes as the ones I owned no longer fit, I don’t know if my body will reclaim some of the mass it lost or not but I do know that today I want clothing that fits my current body and that by having that I am supporting my mental health and validating this “new” body. For me a pair of jeans that fits well is a big deal.

-Gratitude – Again this is a mindset thing, but practising gratitude changes our perceptions. For me I am incredibly grateful to be feeling so much better. I am grateful I can eat, sleep through the night, drink water, have energy, go for a walk, clean my house and so much more. But those were all things I was not able to do while sick. I have a gratitude journal that I use. I do not use it everyday because I do not always remember but I have it in a place where I will see it most days, it has a pen already to go and I just pop in three things I am grateful for, and it works.

-Self portraits- I have not actually done this step yet, but I will be doing it this week, and this was the catalyst that prompted me to write. The act of creating art with portraits helps bring validation to my body. I am talking about creating art with my body and how that can help me heal. What we see and experience becomes our perception and reality so currently my perception of my body is skewed, to bring myself back to alignment I need to see visual evidence of my current self. And really, I need to experience the movement and how it feels different. I need to feel the difference. I need to create a visual blueprint to remind my brain that this is my vessel and I do accept and appreciate her.

This is not magic pill stuff. It is not a one and done or an over night fix. But on the journey these steps help, they bring you closer to the goal. They bring me to a place of acceptance and love and help me be support others who are doing the same hard work.  If you are on a journey to accept your body as it is, I would love if you would join me in these practises and share any others that you have found helpful.